Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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