i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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