You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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