Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
