You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
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