i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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