I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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