i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
