i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
