I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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