i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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