Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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