i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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