So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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