Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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