dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
