Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
