OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
