I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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