NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
