so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
