The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
