Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
