One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
