Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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