I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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