is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just blew my weed a kiss
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
