Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She's the barista slut.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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