I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
