Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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