you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
