I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
