# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
