What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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