Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.