Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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