i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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