Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
