we have officially lost it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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