Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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