ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
