I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
