i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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