just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
