When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
