I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
