I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
