So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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