he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
