She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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