I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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