Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
