Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
