I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
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i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
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By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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