new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
