dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
