You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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