My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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