margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
