i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just found puke in my bra..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
