the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
