ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize