Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
