There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
