and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
