I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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