I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
