: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
