my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
