wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think I died a long time ago.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
