when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
