My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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