if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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